Thoughts for the Flames
by TRIX19
Summary: Zuko never understood friendship in any means. He just thought that people like him weren't able to have friendships. That they weren't able to be loved. That life was only him, alone. Alone with his thoughts. The thoughts that could make the end of him. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter I

**New fanfic! This is actually a story I posted on Wattpad so I'll be updating it here, and there. (Check out my Wattpad! Link on my profile!)**

**Its long... I know.**

**Kind of dark... I guess. Rated T for some language... that's probably it. About which couples are going to happen... I don't really know. I want to stick with the series but I know that a lot of people will complain. **

**Gahhhh things. I'm writing fanfictions again... Yay~!**

**Review, Favorite, and Follow if ya like it~**

**Disclaimer: Do I need to explain?**

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**Chapter I**

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Thinking is something normal for human beings. Some do it more than others, and some don't do it at all. Zuko is a person of thoughts. His nerves and his heart are filled with these thoughts, both good and bad. Mostly bad... very bad. His self-esteem was never something he was proud of... since he had no self-esteem at all. Being told at birth that he would never be good enough... its easy to believe... isn't it? The teen always _tried_ to erase the bad thoughts with happy words... like _'you can do it' _or _'you aren't worthless'_, but it rarely worked... _rarely. _

The times when it did work though... those times were the best! Like when him and Sokka managed to break three prisoners out from the Boiling Rock... that made him happy... only for a little while; but that little while meant everything. More than everything, actually.

Sometimes, (more like most of the time) Zuko lets his thoughts keep him company rather than real people. Even though his thoughts can be rude... and in some extents of heartbreaking, he knew that his thoughts would never lie to him. At least... he thought so.

But sitting there... _alone_... in that room... he couldn't help but let the dreadful thoughts overcome him. Dragging him into this utmost amount of pain. His heart, his nerves, his soul... all being crushed inside of him by the wicked ruler of them all... himself. As if anyone could help him... no one loved him. No one _liked _him. He was alone... not only in that room but in life itself. Only his thoughts could keep him company. Only the imprints of his tears that are scattered across his soul. _Scattered._ He thought with a small smile; he liked the sound of it. He would have to remember to take a note of that word later.

Even though everyone was starting to trust him, he couldn't help but think that all they wanted out of him was his bending skills. Then again, Zuko didn't join the Gaang to make friends. He joined them to help the Avatar, Aang. Teach the young airbender the art of firebending. Teach him how to burn the flesh off of his enemies. Teach him how to control the power. Teach him how to do the things he took _years_ learning. Teach him things that he scarcely knew of himself.

It was hard, Zuko concluded, watching Aang as he mastered all of the techniques in just a few weeks. The teen never learned firebending so quickly... but Aang could. This small twelve year-old could do more in a week than Zuko could do in a month. Then again... he is the Avatar. The Avatar... the person who could master all of the elements... and Zuko... a banished prince who couldn't even master one.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps outside of his room. "Hey Sparky... You awake too?" The head of the blind bandit peeked through the open door that led to Zuko's room.

"Uh... yeah." He answered quietly, sitting up. He heard a sigh just before the blind girl walked into his room and sat down on his bed. She bit her nails with a frown, waiting for Zuko to explain why he was up at such an hour. "I couldn't sleep," The teen answered the girl's unspoken question.

"Yeah... I can see that." Toph muttered sarcastically. Oh the irony... Zuko mused. The young twelve year-old let out another sigh before speaking. "Suki and Sokka kept me up," The raven-haired girl rolled her pale eyes at the thought. After finally realizing what Toph meant, Zuko grimaced and shuddered, causing Toph to laugh. "I know right!"

"Well," Zuko gulped with disgust. "I certainly was not up because of... _that,_" The young girl let out another laugh before he continued. "I was just..." Zuko thought for a moment, not really _sure_ of why he was up. "Thinking... that's all."

Toph nodded with amusement. "I've noticed something about you Sparky..." Zuko winced at the nickname while the young girl spoke. "You seem to think a lot." _Obviously_, Zuko thought, _what else can I do?_

"Thanks... I guess." Zuko replied back with a questioning tone. Toph smirked and licked her lips.

"Trust me, its a good thing." Toph retorted. "Especially when you're around these people." Zuko furrowed his only eyebrow with confusion, Toph sensed his confusion and continued. "We're all kids, Zuko. Not all of them have matured yet... and when I mean all of them... I'm talking about Twinkle Toes. It seems as if the kid is never gonna grow up."

Zuko nodded in agreement. Aang was extremely childish and always acted as if nothing was wrong... which sometimes was a good thing, seeing that the Gaang needed a lift in spirit at times. The teen thought for a moment longer... at last, realizing something.

_I've never been happy... not even as a child, _Zuko frowned as the thought entered his mind. He was always on the lookout... always _scared_. The firebender couldn't even remember a time where he wasn't sad... maybe when his mother was still with him... _no. Even back then I hated myself... the only friends I had was my mother and my journal. _

Toph shifted awkwardly, not happy with the silence that came between them. "You seem quiet all of a sudden," Zuko didn't reply, causing Toph to bite her lip, sensing Zuko in deep thought. "What is it Sparky?" The young girl asked with (surprisingly) a drop of concern in her voice. The teen jumped a little and looked up at the blind girl.

"Oh... what? Oh nothing." Zuko replied quickly. Toph nodded slowly as she stood up from the bed.

"Okay Sparky... what ever you say~" Toph sang as she walked out of the room, leaving Zuko alone. Toph _knew _that something was up with Zuko. And she was going to find out what it was.

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**Did you cry? Probably not... but I tried. Crying is good though! You lose calories right?! **

**-I googled it! You lose 1.3 calories per minute of crying!**

**So if you read slowly and cried for all of it then you just got your daily exercise! (Not really)**

**I hope that I got everyone in character... I would be a shame if I didn't. **

**I will update soon! ~I'm updating all my fics this weekend btw~**

**:)**


	2. Chapter II

**Blargh hello! Thanks for the comments and the favorites and such!**

**This chapter has more characters! More plotty goodness!**

**Disclaimer: Do I need to explain?**

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**Chapter II**

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Zuko knew that she was watching him. It embarrassed him to admit that it took him a while to figure it out. She must have been watching him for days... not that he blamed her or anything. _I guess she's as sneaky as Sokka says, _Zuko pondered. Sneaky alright... but not sneaky enough.

Toph wasn't the only one watching him... and Zuko knew this. Suki has been watching him since the Boiling Rock... along with Hakoda. The firebender knew that he deserved this type of behavior from the others... but he couldn't help but feel _uncomfortable_. Zuko never liked to be center of attention, and it seemed that that's exactly where he was at the moment. He couldn't escape. He was _stuck_.

Supper was not at all graceful. It was truly the most awkward thing Zuko ever had to live through. The teen sat there, silent, while the other kids chatted away. Zuko attempted to listen in on the conversation, but gave up almost immediately. As if a _prince_ knew how to use bending to catch a lop-eared rabbit. So instead, Zuko pushed his rice around, letting his mind explore itself...

"Why aren't you eating?" The raven-haired teen looked up from his plate to see a landmass of eyes staring at him. "Do you not like it?" A certain waterbender asked. Zuko internally groaned. He _really_ wasn't in the mood for this.

"No... Katara it's fine," Zuko responded softly. "I'm not... very hungry... that's all."

_Take it slow... Zuko... slow and easy..._

Katara didn't respond. Instead she glared at him, setting her arms across her chest. Zuko frowned and eyed the humans that surrounded him. _Why are they all staring at me... can they stop?_ The silence stretched even longer... making Zuko even more confused. _Do they expect me to say something?_

"Uh..." Zuko mumbled, gaining attention from the others. "I don't know how to deal with this."

Toph stifled a laugh while Aang and Sokka burst out in laughter. The Duke and Teo smiled in amusement while the others stared at Katara, waiting for her reaction. "You think this is funny?" Katara raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "You think that you can just flounce in here and become 'Mr. Funny' guy?" The firebender opened his mouth to reply, but closed it abruptly, not knowing what exactly to say. "Well you can't!" Katara hissed.

"'Flounce'... what a strange word to use..." Zuko mused, causing even more laughter to erupt. _No but really... who says 'flounce'?_ _I should take a note of that..._

"Don't change the subject!" Katara scolded. "You're a traitor and that's all you will ever be!" Zuko let out a sigh and stared at his lap, this was going to take a while. "You're the enemy! I bet that you're planning to attack us when we don't suspect it! I bet-"

"Calm down sugar queen!" The blind earthbender chuckled. Katara swiftly turned to Toph with wide eyes.

"Do you _hear_ yourself?" The brunette questioned. Toph gave the other girl a lazy shrug.

"I'm pretty sure."

"What's wrong with you?" Katara exclaimed. "How can all of you just sit there like nothing's wrong?"

"Well," Sokka started. "You gotta tell us what's wrong, Katara."

"What's _wrong_?" Katara snorted in disbelief. She then threw her arm out at Zuko's direction. "He's wrong!"

Zuko didn't even have to look up to know that all eyes were on him. Obviously, where else would they be? _Maybe they are admiring the sky...? In your dreams Zuko! Even my dreams are terrible! They're nightmares! Well who's fault is that?_ _Mine. Exactly! _Zuko pushed his rice around on his plate some more, drowning in his thoughts. _Are they still staring at me?_ Zuko looked up slowly to see everyone watching him. _Oh dear..._

"So..." _I'm an idiot._

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**So I am really sick blah.**

**Sorry that it's short... and late. **

**It's not as good as the first chapter... but I tried.**

**Sorry if Zuko's thoughts are kind of random. They're suppose to be. I mean... aren't all thoughts strange and random?**

**Katara is annoying as poop. I know. But that's how she was before she forgave Zuko haha... 'YOU TRAITOR!'**

**Next chappie is about Zuko and his journal... and it shall involve daddy issues!**

**~Review, Favorite, and Follow~**

**:)**


	3. Chapter III

**SO MANY COMMENTS! I AM PLEASED!**

**This chapter be longah. Like I promised.**

**I wish there were more angsty Zuko fanfics though... like me some angst. ****I like Zuko in pain for some reason... why...?**

**I'm late... again... haha... sorry.**

**Disclaimer: what even**

**Chapter III**

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_'I'm wrong... apparently'. _Zuko wrote down in his withered journal. '_There's a lot of things that are wrong here... I've noticed. I think everyone has noticed... but they don't bring it up for some reason. Maybe they don't bring it up so I won't feel bad. Everything is about me... if I like it or not'. _The teenager sighed and ran his hands through his hair. '_And lets just say that I don't like it. I don't like it at all'._

The young firebender was in his separate room at the Western Air Temple, laying on his stomach on his bed. Zuko had his journal in front of him, staring at him, reminding him of the event that happened a couple minutes before, likewise.

_'It seems that they all hate me.' _Zuko frowned as he scribbled the random words that popped in his head. '_I don't blame them. I hate me too.' _Zuko tapped his pen on his forehead in deep thought. '_I didn't come here for friends though... so I don't know why I'm so upset. No... I'm not upset... I'm just...' _

Zuko licked his lips. Was he upset?

_'I'm just... okay I am upset. I admit it. I can't help it no matter how hard I try...' _

Why was he upset? There must be a reason...

_'I guess...'_

Did he like them? No... why the _hell_ would he like them? For one thing, one of the members hated his guts and rather stab him in the face than even speak to him. _Thanks Katara!_ And lets not forget about Suki and Hakoda... they just stare at him all day long waiting for something bad to happen._ My confidence raised by fifty! _And Sokka, Aang, and Toph only talk to him to make him feel like he belongs when it's _obvious_ that he doesn't. _Just leave me alone! _The other children are just scared of him... which doesn't really help.

_'I'm disappointed. __In myself. __I've never really had friends before.'_

_'And I thought that maybe...'_

_'No.'_

_'They will never like me. __They will never accept me.'_

_'After the war is over they will leave me. __They will abandon me. __Just like everyone else does.' _

Zuko bit his bottom lip, staring the paper in front of him. His one good eye watered.

_'Exactly like everyone else.'_

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It was supposed to help him, this stupid journal that he's had since he was a child. According to his mother, Zuko had exceptional writing talents... although... the teen didn't actually agree... but writing was something he did with his mother. And Zuko would do _anything _to be close to his mother. Even if it meant expressing his feelings to a piece of paper. _Seriously though,_ Zuko thought. _Who's going to read this rubbish anyways? _

The firebender had to admit that letting out his inner most feelings to the journal made him feel better. A lot better actually. Every single time he scribbled into the old diary it was if a rock was lifted off his shoulders. A huge rock... kind of like the ones that Toph drops on Sokka to wake him up in the mornings.

Writing wasn't the only thing he did. At times of extreme boredom he would doodle random pictures of people and objects around him, soon making him an expert at the skill. Just like the duel dao swords... he mastered art all by himself. He didn't _need_ anyone's help.

_If I can teach myself to master those things... why can't I master firebending? Something that's actually important? _Zuko pondered as he meditated the next morning. "Good morning, Sifu Hotman!"

Zuko stifled a groan as he opened his eyes to see a young airbender smiling at him. "Don't call me that..." The raven haired teen mumbled under his breath. Aang frowned lightly at his firebending teacher.

"Come on Zuko! Lighten up!" Aang exclaimed as a small flame appeared above the palm of his right hand. The airbender grinned at Zuko with pride, causing the teen to roll his eyes and clap slowly.

"Nice job Aang," Zuko said with no emotion in his voice. "You managed to make a fire pun and _not_ burn down a building!"

The young Avatar pouted immediately after this was said. "I was just trying to make you smile!" Aang stated. "Now flip that frown upside-down!" He chirped, pushing Zuko's cheeks upwards. The firebender slapped Aang's hands off of him.

"I wasn't even frowning," Zuko claimed.

"Yes you were!" Aang argued back.

"No I wasn't!"

"Then what were you-"

"IT'S MY FACE!" Zuko shouted, creating a silence between the two of them.

"Wait..." The airbender said, breaking the stillness that had just started. "So your face is permanently a frown?" He questioned. "Well that's sad."

"My face can make as many emotions as yours can, Aang."

"Oh really?" Aang smiled at the firebender. "Then smile! Right now!"

Zuko let out a loud sigh before giving Aang a forced, uncomfortable smile. Aang bit his lip and responded, "You know what Zuko? I'm going to make you smile for real! Not some fake... creepy smile... but a real one!" Zuko stared at the younger boy with annoyance.

"Have fun because that's not going to happen."

"Yes it will!" Aang beamed. "Watch me make it happen, Sifu Hotman!"

_More fire puns for me... how satisfying. _"Don't call me that..."

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**Okay... so I'm really late omfg sorry! Basically I was going to post the chapter wayyy earlier but then I forgot to save it... (I am so smart).**

**Then I got lazy... then I had a history project... and then I got even more lazy...**

**So here it is! TAADAA! Sorry if it sucked!**

**Reviews are appreciated! I want to know what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong!**

**Is it OC? I think I made Aang too jumpy but idk...**

**ZUZU AND HIS DIARY AWWW! (Its cheesy I know... but I just thought that he would be a writer). Heheh Zuko was so sassy in this chappie... well sort of.**

**Favorite, Follow, and Review! I will try to update this weekend or just next Tuesday!**

**:)**


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